Dayenu

I wasn't really supposed to hear.  “It looks like the chest tube site might have become infected.  She is on meds for schizophrenia and she is a type 1 diabetic.” I wasn't really supposed to hear, but I am walking the halls of the thoracic surgery unit.  I am exercising and regaining my health.  She, whoever she is, she is in my prayers.  I am shuffling along in stocking feet.  She, well, I hope someone who loves her is close by. 

I wasn't really supposed to hear, but I was walking awaiting my own news.  I had a 'spot’.  Then it was a 'lump’.  Then it was cancer.  That word caused all who heard to shrink back.  I often wept as I said it aloud.  In my Sunday School class a woman put her hand on me and cried '”Begone.  Just Begone.”.

My surgeon says, in a slightly different form, much the same.  He worked with great skill, as the Imago Dei he was meant to be, to, as my Rabbi's prayer says, bring order to chaos.  He took the top lobe of my right lung. "Begone".  So I am shuffling the halls and hearing horrors.  I am pacing waiting for the pathology report.  Was order really restored or has microscopic chaos escaped his skilled hands? 

Today as I await my news, I have been humming a song from the Passover we celebrate with such joy.  The song is called “Dayenu”.  You sing of one of the blessings of the great liberation and the chorus “Dayenu” reminds us 'it would have been enough.’. We sing of the next blessing and again sing “Dayenu”--it would have been enough.

I walk the halls, regaining strength.  I think on my wife who has held my heart next to her’s for these many years.  I sing “Dayenu”.  I settle on my beautiful children so full of grace.  I sing “Dayenu”.  I think of a long walk with a dear friend, 500 miles across Spain.  I sing “Dayenu”.  I whimper in the face of the news to come.  Oh let me sing “Dayenu” today, before the news, and tomorrow, after the news.  I should not have really heard about her chest tube or her schizophrenia or her diabetes.  No one should hear because no one should have chest tubes and schizphrenia, and diabetes, and so much more.  But she does have. We do have. We await pathology reports, so we must learn to sing “Dayenu”.  Buen Camino